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DON’T BANK ON BANK ROBBERS
by The Fugitive

According to police in Toledo, Ohio, in March, during the robbery of the Gold Star Market, Joseph Allen Wilson, 18, accidentally shot and killed his 30-year-old accomplice, who was posing as a customer and whom Wilson was "threatening to kill" as part of the clever plan to get the clerk to open the register. read more

Poetry by G David Schwartz  read

 

 

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Image of the Week
Thinks: “I've got all day.
I'll give it until I finish this cigar and if she doesn't answer
I'm keeping her DHL parcel."

The-Fugitive.Blogspot.ComTHE FUGITIVE BLOG:
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Regulars

"Contents may not Settle"
Newmarket Upper School.  Tuesday April 24th 2001 8.30hrs. "Mind, if I hang out wid joo?" Donny Gates was a product of the American airforce. At fifteen years old he had followed his Father around the world more times than his own shoe size. A colonial giant,  that had managed to grow his arms and legs at the same time. He had a Little Richard moustache helped in its pubescent growth by using mascara. He wore mirrored pilot glasses. The crinkly 'regulation' flat top made him look too young for the military, but old enough to be a 'Guardian Angel' in a New York subway. Eyes, as big and brown as upturned horse-chestnuts. read more
Sample audio clip read by The Fugitive Author.... click play

Each week the Fooge team will be featuring YOUR bloody ridiculous questions which will be reluctantly answered by the enigmatic and highly sexed

Dr FARQUAR DIY STD PDQ.

He has been practicing for more years than he cares to remember and hopes to one day get the hang of it.
read more

One Man Banned
Chapter 1 ..... Just another Day
Thomas awoke to his watch alarm. It was a diver’s watch, acquired, at a local sports centre. He was always amazed at swimmers who bought ‘deep sea’ divers watches, but then, once owners, chose never to swim with them. The owners, would rather, keep them chlorine free, and nestling in a clothes locker.  To Thomas, this was like owning a crash helmet without ever riding a motorcycle. His steel nail file and two paper clips were all he ever carried. read more
Sample audio clip read by The Fugitive Author.... click play

“None so blind”
"Ven voz the lass time you had your eyes looked at, Dr Kubelik?" The ophthalmic optician gave an inviting gesture and swung a swivel chair across brown vinyl in the direction of the letter card. She was a bony female with a short black bob. She had green eyes and a brittle click of an Austrian accent. The sort that ended up in an omelette of cheesy Californian twang. As she flipped through a selection of lenses she held them up to the light like a suspect hand of cards. read more
Sample audio clip read by The Fugitive Author.... click play

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You want to write a book?
But can’t think of an idea? No problem! Here are just a few suggestions to set you on the road to your first best-seller!
GETTING AN IDEA FOR A BOOK by NICK DAWS

"Old Reb" The Slang Wrangler
““He’s an arse on ‘im
like two eggs in a ‘ankerchief! ”
(Late 20c Scottish gay saying referring to a male posterior being particularly sexually provocative)

THE QUOTATIONISER. A quotation at the right moment is like bread to the famished. This device uses voice recognition technology which has a wireless connection to a vast database of quotations on your handheld device. It picks up words in conversation and constantly feeds suitable quotes to an earpiece, located in, well, your ear. You will therefore always have the ability to throw in well-timed pearls of wisdom throughout any conversation. read more

HELLS KITCHEN AND BUCKETS OF BLOOD. I love this country because without the pricks running it we would have nothing to laugh at. For example. This beloved isle has become the home of the rip off merchants. No not the Chancellor or Richard Branson. Two men that can smile sweetly as they shaft you up the ‘rusty bullethole’, that’s for sure. I speak of course of the humble ‘small works’ builder whose particular home improvement skills resemble that of a silverback gorilla amputee with two heavy bags of shopping. read more

SHOE NEWS. It’s beyond me how much money is spent on footwear. I mean, if you choose the wrong shoes, where do you stand? Rumour has it that you can easily judge the substance of a character simply by what shoes, his’ or hers feet are in. Ok. Wait a Goddam minute. Are we assuming that we can assimilate an individuals personality, financial status, breeding, spiritual standing, simply by the shoes they wear? Hold on. Why for crisps sake are we the only animal on the planet to have to wear beetle crushers? read more

Inebriated driving modification factor. One may take his/her driving test at varying levels of intoxication; passing said driving test at say twice the 'legal' limit (both parts - practical and written) allows that person to legally drive at twice the standard legal limit. You can choose to take the test at any level you wish, and if you pass you are legally allowed to drive at that level of intoxication. If you fail however - you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law for driving over the limit (in your test). So its a risky business taking the test and this prevents drunken monkeys repeatedly taking the test until they eventually pass. read more

Sleep Savings Time. Correcting the Under-utilisation of a Great Idea. While basking in the afterglow of an extra hour of Saturday night slumber courtesy of the end of daylight savings time, it occurred to me that here is a great idea which is being vastly under-utilised. And so, I propose Sleep Savings Time. Here's how it works: read more


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The Three Quickest (& Easiest) Ways to Improve Your Writing by Debra Koontz TraversoJOIN THE FUGITIVE AUTHOR COMMUNITY
You DO Have Time to Write (and here's how to find it) by Beth Mende Conny
Ten Tips To Get Started Writing Your Book by Judy Cullins
How To Style Your Story By Arthur Zulu
Should You Publish in Print or Electronic Format - or Both? by Marcia Yudkin
How to Finish That Book by Michael Knowles
First Aid For Writer's Block by Marcia Yudkin
How to Stall Your Writing Career by Beth Mende Conny
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Write Your Novel in 30 Days A 10-Step Guide By Garda Parker
Character Creation By: Jeff Heisler
Character Development By Jeff Colburn
Who Said That? (First, Second Or Third Person) By Jeff Colburn
Writing for Yourself By Amrit Hallan

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Who was it that said, “Love is like fire. It is beautiful to have and warm when you are near it. But the moment you get to close it burns you”.

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FUGITIVE AUTHOR CAPTION CORNER RETRO CLASSIC

Retro Classic Cartoon
"Hey Readers! Old Reb is right...
He has got an arse like two eggs in a ‘ankerchief!"

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