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Toothache
Well, it's me borthdee! Forty six, well and truly on borrowed time now!
To my horror what started off as a nagging toothache has turned into a blimming great abcess in my mouth that has made one side of my cheek look like it is about to explode. Owwwwww! Andrea is recovering from an allergic reaction to a 'skeeter' bite on her cheek also. Beth has a whopping cold sore on her lip so between us we look like a family of multi dimensional trolls walking down the street. I feel like Mr Quasi Modo, dragging my family around in a sequel to the 'Thriller' video, that accidentally bred with a puffa fish!
Everyone has the right to be ugly but I guess I must be abusing the privilege.
Being incredibly vain I would not normally venture out but everybody here looks like they ran into a wall chasing a cat anyway. Just call me Cyclops! To add insult to injury I am on a load of 'jollop' and painkillers and I must not drink alcohol!! On my birthday too!! I must have been some evil b*****d in a previous life, eh? The Doctor told me that I was 'run down' and coupled with mixing alcohol with the medication I would end up violently ill! I explained that that is what generally happens when I drank booze anyway, so, what’s the difference?
He also said I had a little 'malaise' and I said, "Wot? Down my shirt? Nothing worse than salad dressing on the old Ben Sherman!". I have been overdoing it a bit but I have two weeks off at the end of this month and hopefully I’m off to one of the Greek islands again this year. I love Feta cheese, wrinkled little ladies in black dresses, volcanoes, olives, clams, dusty mountain roads, crisp surf, dates, figs, freshly caught fish with Oozo and a soft lapping sound at night! (stoppit now!)
Put it this way I would rather have got a CD on my special day than this. The only thing missing is a hunch on my back and I could swing from tree to tree on the way home! Did I ever tell you the true story of a man I saw who had a pronounced curvature of the spine and who walked towards me one rainy afternoon down Mill Road (the centre of the universe) in Cambridge. As the twisted figure approached he muttered something over and over emphatically. As he walked past me I heard him saying. "I wish I could get me own back....". That really happened! No it’s not some inappropriate discrimination against the disabled community!!
I took the Chernobyl children from Minsk to their narrowboat holiday. (I took the Golf and the suspension snapped on the way back!!). They have  some pretty fun things to do yet until they go home in two weeks time. They are a mixed bag but lovely kids. It’s the dreaded dental checks next week that they are terrified of as Belurussian dentists cannot afford novacaine. They seem more freaked by the strange feeling of their faces 'disappearing' or the tingly numbness after extraction. They are very brave indeed. I know what I would prefer!
Anyway! You shamed me into doing a bit of house renovation! I have spent all week decorating! I now have one of those wooden floors. Shame you can't put it on the ceiling too, then the sky's the laminate!! (groan). I had new carpet laid in a rich Blood. Bit sticky and started to smell like an abbatoir, but there! I have ivory walls. It took three or four herds! I hate decorating but I am quite good at it. I am thinking of starting a pop group called "Matt Vinyl and the Decorators" (fidget and fart) I was nearly put off by a neighbour who bemoaned the fact his new wooden floor had to be ripped up after a washing machine flood! I suppose that gives a whole new meaning to the term 'floating floor' (Tee hee).
See Ya!
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