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Sleep Savings Time
Correcting the Under-utilisation of a Great Idea
While basking in the afterglow of an extra hour of Saturday night slumber courtesy of the end of daylight savings time, it occurred to me that here is a great idea which is being vastly under-utilised. And so, I propose Sleep Savings Time. Here's how it works:
1. We set the clocks back an hour EVERY Saturday night.
2. We get rid of 48 of the 52 "extra" hours that would create by lopping off the 31st day from January (too cold) and July (too hot).
3. We let the other 4 hours accumulate until leap year, and then make the adjustment by making February 29 -- a dubious nubbin of a day to start with -- an 8 hour day. We declare it a national holiday dedicated to really, really sleeping in.
I hate it when thieves steal expensive antique watches and then refuse to put the clocks back.
It’s easy to prove that the average worker in this country hardly ever works or needs to. Time is literally on his/her side.
We have 365 days a year. Of that we have on average 5 weeks holiday. That brings it down to 330 days. We also are allowed 17 days paid sickness absence. Our figure is now 313. We have two days off a week (usually at weekends) that is 104 days to subtract and brings that to 209 days left.
We have nine 11 public holidays we don’t have to work so it is now just 198 days we have to be at our desks.
Hang on! We sleep eight hours a day, so in real terms a third of those days need to be taken off too. So a third off that number is.. quick calculation… a measly 133 days we need to attend.
You are allowed compassionate leave of eight days per annum . Subtotal 125.
You get 14 days granted for jury service off. Now 111.
Dental/hospital/optician/ appointments will take four days a year into consideration. 107 days left.
Bad weather accounts on average for about a week of all absences per year. 100 days left to work.
Another week is calculated for transport crisis’. Car breakdown and train disruption etc. 93 to go.
Maternity and paternity leave taken as a national average equates to about four weeks a year across the board. 63 days.
Alcohol related absence is a staggering responsibility as a national average for fifteen days a year per worker!! 48 days.
The British worker is sent home with enforced leave/suspension 7 days a year across the population. 41 days.
Workers sent home from work because illness shaves another 3 days a year. 38 days.
Emergencies. Picking up sick children from school or domestic distress and personal crisis takes up four days per population. 34 days.
Football/Golf events are responsible for five days a year ‘sickness’ per worker, per year. 33 days.
Union strikes three days a year. 30 days.
Industrial accidents a massive six days a year per worker. 27 days.
Extended breaks or business lunch ‘eat up’ eight hours a month (very conservative estimate) that’s one day a month 12 days a year. 15 days.
Lateness. Lack of punctuality is estimated to be robbing industry of 9 nine days a year per worker.
Six days left. Research bears out that love affairs with business colleagues cost companies and businesses millions in this country every year. Absence without leave because of randy employees ‘copping off’ with each other outside the building, accounts for an average of five days a year per employee.
One day left.
W*nking is the curse of all bosses. They spend at least one day of their year tossing themselves off in the stationery cupboard or office loo.
Looking at these figures we might as well all stay at home and ‘have one off the wrist’ too.
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