SCIENTIST CLAIMS TO EXPLAIN PARTING OF THE WAVES
A Russian mathematician says he's come up with a logical explanation for Moses' parting of the waves. Naum Wolzinger says it had more to do with the changing of the tide than divine intervention. The scene where Moses parts the waves and leads the Israelites across the Red Sea is one of the most well known stories in the Bible. But Mr Wolzinger, from St Petersburg, said it was not a miracle. He says there is a riff six or seven metres under the water that runs from one bank of the Gulf of Suez to the other at the spot where the Exodus occurred. He said depending on the movement of the tides and if there was a strong wind it was possible to cross the Red Sea keeping your feet almost dry. A drop in the wind though and the water would flood back over the riff in large waves, explaining why they would have come crashing down on the Egyptians when they entered the seabed.
Miracles and Mysteries of the bible.
I see myself as a bit of an authority of the Holy Scriptures as from a very early age I was drilled in passages. (Not shot by muggers in an alleyway, rather, I was marshalled in God's Word.) I was dragged from one doorstep to another as some sort of reluctant mascot from babyhood.
Why? I was brought up a Jehovah's Witness. I understand that this may prejudice the reader right away and you may find yourself diving under the dining room table quaking with fear. Calm yourself. I no longer dance in those flames. All the weird doctrine that once hung from me like a glacier off a mountain as giant bridal trains are now removed. I am sufficiently reprogrammed into reality and unlike the stubborn shopping trolley I believe I now have a mind of my own.
Of course being brought up on the 'milk of God's word' and weaned on the counsel of the bible made me who I am now in spite of myself. Sucking off the breasts of the Watchtower meant a series of very uncomfortable events in my life of which I will have to bore you another time with. But if I was to cherry pick just one. Losing my virginity on my wedding night has to be up there with the mind twisting best. Blood everywhere and my terrified bride screaming for her Mother!
Reading Leviticus did nothing to improve my sex life.
I owe all my nourishment in carnal knowledge due to a perverted barber who when I was at the tender age of nine thrust pornographic literature into my lap for when my Father treated me to a 'clip around the ear'. The vulgar barber eventually passed away. I had reached almost 28 years old and started to realise that I could get the same familiar stirrings from the lingerie section of a 'Grattan' catalogue and also not bother getting my hair cut. It seemed it was more religiously acceptable to read a mail order 'shopping from home' index than a dirty magazine. One could look at semi-naked women in good value underwear and then with those images in mind attend Christian barn dances holding a good conscience. However, I must add, that there is a lot to be said for yellow gingham and flushed cheeks that make balancing a cup of Earl grey in your lap almost impossible.
I saw the sweaty, ball of a man who ritually gave me a 'short back and sides' and centrefold no more after my last visit to him, where he uttered his last words, "Would you like anything for the weekend, Sir?" I took that generous request as an invitation to pick up his last copy of the 'Radio Times' and thanked him as I scooted out the door.
Religion has always hated sex.
In brief what Jehovah's Witnesses believe is that if your wife enjoyed sex too much, it meant you had no business getting married in the first place. 'IT' was for procreation purposes and having 'something warm inside your beloved' had better be treacle pudding.
Sex crime.
Sex has been used as a weapon by the church to define 'sin'. The 'good book' calls it rendering your wife her 'marital due' making it sound like shagging your life long partner meant a lifelong debt too. The 'forbidden fruit' was not just about having a bite of your husbands' 'big red rosy apple' and being told off about it. You had to die like some petrified "Praying" Mantis who only had one chance "to get it right" and must face the consequences for such a 'crime of passion'.
Lets look at this subject another time. Meanwhile back to "miracles."
But such headlines above about the fanciful claims of the bible seems to 'weave it spell' with modern day Christians and they perceive it as clear truth. Perhaps they should watch the Discovery channel a bit more? Christ's miracles were more sleight of hand or just a happy coincidence. Experts reveal that Moses was 'led through the wilderness' with three million Jewish refugees hanging onto his robe and his every word was not quite as the book of Exodus would have us believe.
For example while evicted from Jerusalem by Pharaoh the Jews were not 'stuck' in the wilderness'. Moses went up Mount Sinai to get some inspiration for a very unruly bunch of people who were getting up to allsorts. Incest, depravity and Baal worship. Child sacrifice you name it. They needed to get out of town!
The 'wilderness' was in fact about the size of East Anglia and the Jews became Nomadic. Some of these indigenous people still, are tent makers, and wander the plains by the Red sea as their forefather Moses did. 40 years in a wilderness of this comparatively small dimension would mean they would 'know it like the back of their hand'. If you look at the book of Exodus, the last third is about the complex building of the Tabernacle. It was in simple terms a 'caravan-type ' Church. A sort of mobile industrial unit for God. The constructive intricacies of how the courtyard, altar and 'Holy of Holies' were so intricate that one can only assume they planned to 'stick around for a while'.
Hardly fleeing the Egyptians when…..
Moses had to literally organised three million people into twelve tribes and then proceeded sit on his arse while writing the Mosaic Law in the interim with its own compliment of over three thousand laws from women's menstruation and to how to mark your pooh with a white stick in the desert!
None of this bumbling around, scratching around for food in the sand. Three million people can rear a lot of goats in forty years. It was highly organised with military precision.
How long does it take to choose twelve chieftains for named tribes (Benjamin, Levi, Moab, Gad, Ephraim, and Judah to name a few) from three million people without a public address system or any email system? How many panel interviews would you need for that? Moses only had Aaron to help him because he had a speech impediment. So. You can't say fairer than that. But neither could Moses.
Moses was quite driven by a lot of delusion. He believed that 'the pillar of smoke by day' and the 'pillar of fire by night' was some kind of miraculous mirage. God's Olympic torch on the ever extending horizon was burning for their guidance. It would lead them through the wilderness. Modern day researchers have studied the Biblical chronology and historic fact and have married this so-called spiritual phenomena to the eruption of the super volcano of Vesuvius about the time it entombed Pompeii. This giant natural disaster would have been visible from thousands of miles away and spewed into the atmosphere thousands of feet into the heavens for months and months. So, this simply explains, as a 'pillar of smoke' by day, and scorching magma belching out at night as 'fire by night'.
Supposition or Superstition?
Could Jesus have 'walked on water'? Using a surfboard from a Lebanon cedar waxed down with some myrrh maybe? Or was he trotting on a submerged sandbank to impress his friends?
When Jesus said; "Pick up your bed and walk" wasn't he the same as a Policeman telling a homeless person to 'move on'?
If Jesus was so kind and generous why did he accept the widow's mite?
Can't anyone turn water into wine? Yes. It's called a Bucks Fizz?
Healing the sick in a time of unavailable prescribed drugs was the same as being invited to an opium den.
Making the blind see is easy. They didn't have 'Specsavers' in Bible times, but the Red sea was known for its host of healing minerals so if you rinsed your eyes at the waters edge by filling a half of an empty walnut shell (it used to smart a bit) but happily, it was better than Optrex and even laser therapy.
Moses turned his staff into reptiles. That's victimisation and you should go through the proper complaint procedure. If your staff are like poisonous vipers learn to delegate.
Five loaves to feed three thousand? That's easy, it's just an early form of Dr Atkins diet.
They had obesity problems even back then, because of over indulgence in Roman orgies.
For instance you must remember the "Woman of Samaria" (some area)
So I hope this helps dispel a few biblical myths. These is just the first chapter of a series dealing with the fragility of the Bible's insistence on romantic 'make-believe' otherwise proffered as absolute fact. Jesus was to the Jews what David Blane is to Eamomn Holmes.
He was the Uri Geller of his time. Even today we have David Copperfield who claims he can 'fly'. Ok, then, how does he get to his performance?
Jesus did not have high tensile industrial cable to help him with his Transfiguration performance. He ascended to heaven in front of three hundred witnesses using a very primitive ski lift with wooden scaffold that was concealed by a very large fig tree. He did this illusion on a very sunny day and…with his back to the sun, 'blinded the minds of unbelievers' so to speak.
Next time I will tell you what to do if you see a 'burning bush' and how to treat yeast infections.
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