MIKEROWESOFT BACK ONLINE
The little website whose teenaged creator crossed swords with technology giant Microsoft Corporation is back online. Mike Rowe, 17, who set up a website at www.mikerowesoft.com, said on Monday that he'd taken it down because he couldn't afford the amount of bandwidth necessary to sustain high traffic prompted by recent publicity. But it was quickly put back up after another Internet host offered to help, according to a note posted on the site by Rowe. The youth first received an e-mail from lawyers for the software giant in November asking him to stop using the domain name and a 25-page letter arrived last week with a fat package of supporting materials threatening legal action. The letter said customers of Microsoft could also be confused by his domain name and claimed that Rowe's intention all along was to extract "a large cash settlement". Since then, the teenager's story has caught the attention of several American media outlets and on Monday the company indicated it was softening its hard line. Microsoft spokesman Jim Desler said the company recognised the spirit in which the young entrepreneur had registered the domain name and was reconsidering its earlier legal moves.
Microkid
This article is a lovely tease. How often we accept Bill Gates as the Gross Fuehrer of all software and invite his happy creators into our homes? Like mute sheep we all herd ourselves together in our comfortable, safe zone, goaded by Microsoft.
Mr Gates is so wealthy he could end world poverty. He could save the rainforests just by jingling his loose change that he needn't have spent on a bad haircut. Yet, still have enough left over to re-build Ground Zero. So, why doesn't he? He needs a kick up the assets! What a golden opportunity to literally save the world, while, making Sting and Bob Geldof look like the anti-christ!
So, a little boy in his bedroom has threatened the swaggering and thundering great Goliath Microsoft by a deliberate typo! How can a young boy smash the clay feet of Gates' empire with a little rather clever but innocent wordplay? Let's see. Would Jamie Oliver feel threatened if a small town boycotted Sainsbury's? Would Doctor Shipman have 'topped' himself if he had worked harder on his bedside manner? Would Dr Kelly have been found dead if weapons of mass destruction in the Hutton enquiry referred to the late discovery of several economy size tubes of Nippon?
Microsoft Monopoly Money
Is being rich and famous worth falling out with parents like me?
If Bill Gates wants to be everywhere at the same time then why doesn't he become a suicide bomber?
Isn't it then time Mr Gates 'cashed in his microchips' or was found drowned in his ill-fitting jeans in one of his plethora of swimming pools? Why doesn't this Cliff Richard of the computer industry have the consideration to become assassinated and give other competitors in the industry a 'look-in'? Well, perhaps that is a bit harsh. A kidnap might be more appropriate.
The Pearly 'Gates'.
Dorling and Kindersley could set it up and poorly educated children world-wide could demand a ransom. 50 billion dollars would be enough to get each thick child a computer and a choice of CDs for things to make and do. His spectacles could be sent by kidnappers to Microsoft to show how serious they mean business. Gates could be further tortured by having to download ransom negotiations without broadband and the hostages' cell phone 'microwaved' in front of him on the 'soup and hot drinks' setting. Failing that, he could be made to wear his Versace brand new shirts with all the pins still in them.
I mean what does he do for the planet that is of any value? When did he last have to vacuum his office? Or have to buy new shoelaces? Even Jesus Christ started out as a carpenter. So he had some uses. He told a rich man to give up his worldly belongings and follow him. I can't imagine William Gates in a Sue Ryder shop or eating Tesco bomber 'bluestripe', can you?
Providing technology is the new 'manna' from heaven. The Internet is the New Testament of our generation. Gates is the Genesis to Revelation of silly computer games.
Software is so complex and powerful it now challenges your own computer. If you don't have the very latest computer or stacks of 'memory' you can't use it. If you are a single Mum or on benefit you lose out on the latest 'must have' games.
So why is the god-like Gates shitting himself because a teenage computer hack wants to 'take the juice' out of his capitalist outfit?
The Expansion pack. A ploy to buy whole sets of software.
He discriminates against individuals by producing software that will make your hard drive think it's responsible for running the known universe. Pushing the ram to overload and causing the poor thing to crash when any adult wants to use it to do something trivial, like get on 'friends re-united' to find the Father of your children. My stack almost melted like a Chernobyl reactor using a Sims game. (please read 'Toys-R-Fuss') It was so 'busy' all the time it sounded like an orchestra tuning up. I could almost hear it say the moment I shoved the disc in. "How in hot b**locks do I eat this bugger with my jaws wired together?"
Expansion packs are sold so in order for you to get the whole collection of software 'linked' programs have to be bought first. It's a bit like collecting Pokemon cards but at thirty quid a time. The difference is that the programs are useless on their own. Like a hairdryer without an electric plug. Or an ice-cream without a flake. Think about it. It's like going to the cinema and getting a ticket and then having to sit behind someone obese. I can't wait to see the back of people like that.
Its like being given a Ferrari with just a six inch nail as an ignition key.
It's like paying a prostitute who makes you wait too long to reach orgasm and won't give you a discount.
Bill Gates has the monopoly. Like any monopoly they act like cancer. They start off as a huge growing tumour overwhelming one organ. Deregulation should give the other organs or smaller companies a fighting chance. What happens? The Monopoly tumour seems to shrink and go into remission. Biding its time. And as the smaller firms start to become established and get a customer base, the mega mass or giant corporation waits in the wings. From out of the blue comes the cancer again this time it becomes 'secondary' and sends out deadly cells flooding into the lifeblood of the marketplace offering irresistible discounts and give-aways. These 'ticklers' don't really exist but are 'built' into the package to make you think you are getting something for nothing. The truth is, your 'loyalty' is nothing like the commitment of an Empirical mindset to get keep and continue to 'own' or gain access to your money. The deadly cells get into each organ and riddle the entire market stifling other businesses just when they thought they had a small foothold. This ends up as a take-over and is inevitably terminal for smaller concerns. The monopoly wins each time because they don't have the resources to compete in a price war. Liquidation results. The monopoly has watched you do all the work, struggle and give up, gathering more 'snow' (or firms already 'broken') as it chases them downhill.
No hard feelings Bill. I don't wish death on you. But this kid does have a keen eye and a good sized stone in his slingshot. The Philistine's days may be numbered.
When you create a monster, no matter how big, then the harder it falls. Look at Michael Jackson. No point having a nose for making money if you end up 'blowing' it and in his case finding it in his hanky! I know Gates is not a pedophile (or we think not) but some of his sick software games are tantamount to psychological abuse. They are so 'virtual' they induce vomiting in my case. Kids either have to zap, whack or twat something on the screen. I would have more respect for Microsoft if the creators encouraged emission of unpleasant odours from the back of our machines (or the floppy disc slot as nobody uses it these days) as their latest technology. This is not too difficult to do, considering what the advancements are so far. For instance modems used to look like small sheds but are now much more discreet.
Stink Technology
When your child has been on your machine, they have massacred too much for one day and it's past their bedtime why not use stink technology?
You could have smells for different time allowances. If they just want to be on the thing for an hour. End the session with a waft of bad feet. If they stay on thing for two hours, it could be the stench of a used wet ashtray. Three hours, the musk of a large bottom trump after eating gherkins. Half a day may incur the odour of a tramps mattress. Children using the machine when you are expecting an important e-mail could trigger or emit the smell of snogging a tart who works in a chicken processing plant that has just had a pint of bitter, some cheese and onion crisps and a Bensons & Hedges.
A full day of kids hogging your computer would mean the very worst reek of all. Coriander.
Have you any smells you hate? Whether its jumble sales, social workers, or 'Prioderm' just contact us. Watch out for more of Perry's Pet hates soon.
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