A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room.
Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

Emails
Toothache
Well, it's me borthdee! Forty six, well and truly on borrowed time now! To my horror what started off as a nagging toothache has turned into a blimming great abcess in my mouth that has made one side of my cheek look like it is about to explode. Owwwwww! Andrea is recovering from an allergic reaction to a 'skeeter' bite on her cheek also. Beth has a whopping cold sore on her lip so between us we look like a family of multi dimensional trolls walking down the street. I feel like Mr Quasi Modo, dragging my family around in a sequel to the 'Thriller' video read more...

The Original Pet Hates Handbook

POETIC JUSTICE
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose. And on a more positive note, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

Jokes
-> I had an intellectually challenged friend from Cork who thought Coq-au-vin was sex in a truck, stopped drinking tea because it caused him sharp pains in his right eye, but now he remembers to take the spoon out of the cup before he drinks it, who entered the Tour De France but then went missing for three weeks (he was doing a lap of honour), who drove his car into the river to dip his headlights and who thought that a Royal Enfield was a place the Queen kept her chickens.
-> Did you hear about Santa going to the G.P and complaining that he had a mince pie up his bottom. "Doctor," he said, "I have a mince pie right up my bottom and it hurts" he whined. "Don't worry", said the physician, "I've probably got some cream for that!"

Sayings and Quotes

COLIN & PERRY
Perry: "Bloody global warming, what's all that about then?'
Colin: "Dunno, but it involves watching your telly from a raft because the icecaps are melting."
Perry: "Will I still be able to get Sky?"
Colin: "Not if the ozone is too depleted."
Perry: "Sod that, on me bloody widescreen, eh?"
Colin: "It's more to do with the environment than your satellite dish, how is your viewing going to stop flashfloods in South America and Bangladesh?"
Perry: "Buggered if I know, maybe it will be on the Discovery channel, later."
Colin: "The only 'channel' you will be watching in five years time is the one floating your T.V down the High Street."
Perry: "I don't care, I can always surf the Net."
Colin: "Won't stop you getting your feet wet."
Perry: "Not if I can find me waders."
Colin: "What if you can't find your wellies, then"
Perry: " I'll have to use a good search engine."
Colin: "What about if your feet start sweating and they keep slipping off?"
Perry: "I'll just blame global warming, mate."

Great Truths If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

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