Healthy Eating

Question. Why do you only go out for spaghetti while wearing a white shirt?
Dr Farquar. Wear it back to front so you don’t ‘get it all down the front’

Q. Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu instead?
Dr F. Read them after you have drunk two bottles of wine at home first making your choice more coherent.

Q. Why do restaurants leave the lettuce leaves so big in a Caesar Salad? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. Caesar piece and tear it into two.

Q. Why do you only crave fast food after the restaurant has closed for the night? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. If it sold slow food you would have got there in time.

Q. How come Alberta restaurants advertise New York Steak made with 100% Alberta Beef on their menus? Do their Chefs not know anything about geography? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. How much do you know about home economics?

Q. Why is a waiter called a "waiter" when the customer is the one that actually waits? (Contributed by Sean Brockway)
Dr F. Customers don’t do ‘waits’ otherwise they would be on a diet and not eating at the restaurant.

Q. Why do customers get faster service when a restaurant is crowded than when it is half empty? (Contributed by Don Woods)
Dr F. It’s exactly the same service. Maybe you are the one in such a hurry. When an airport or rail platform is busy is your plane or train more punctual?

Q. Do you have to tip if you wait on a waiter? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
Dr F. Bank clerks don’t get ‘tipped’ or brain surgeons or lorry drivers for that matter. Why tip waiters? If they want a ‘drink’ for their trouble give them a teabag.

Q. If you go to a restaurant in Idaho or Prince Edward Island and you don't order any potatoes with your meal will they ask you to leave? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. Ireland was nearly wiped out by potato famine. Talk about picky.

Q. In a restaurant why do you always want to eat what someone else is eating? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
Dr F. Watching ‘Sex in the City’ does not entitle you to ‘eat’ everybody under the table.

Q. When you and your spouse walk into a restaurant by yourselves why do they ask you "Table for how many"? (Contributed by Al J.)
Dr F. The waiter has already guessed ‘your meal out’ is probably to evaluate your marriage.

Q. How come the Round Table Pizza restaurants only have square and rectangular tables? (Contributed by Jim Adams)
Dr F. That’s OK, just pay them in rectangular bills.

Q. How come we order a BLT in a restaurant but never a LBT? (Contributed by Jim Adams)
Dr F. Why bother with lettuce after the name?

Q. When you go to a fancy restaurant where they give you a fork with three teeth is it called a threek? (Contributed by Warren Kramer)
Dr F. The same reason chopsticks are not used to ‘doctor’ haemorrhoids.

Q. Why do waiters/waitresses come and ask if everything is okay when you have a mouthful of food? (Contributed by Nina)
Dr F. Because they are usually foreign and understand you better.

Q. Back in the year 1488 was 'Ye Olde Tea Shoppe' called 'Ye Brande Newe Tea Shoppe'? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
Dr F. According to Greek legend ‘Argos’ was a mythological city that was inhabited by seven Cyclops so things don’t change on that score either.

Q. When you dine out and all the waiters are wearing gloves do you ever wonder what's in the food that they're afraid of? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
Dr F It avoids them being seen using a handkerchief.

Q. Should you drink the water in authentic Mexican restaurants? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
Dr F. Only if you are prepared to refuse a cigarette in front of a firing squad.

Q. Why is a 4 year old's voice always louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant? (Contributed by Sinnful)
Dr F. Because they are good at doing impressions of adults, after a bottle of wine and some self-opinion at the end of the evening.

Q. Why do restaurants call it a Blue Plate Special when they don't serve it on a Blue Plate? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. A Late night Special on TV doesn’t mean it is going to be special for you either.

Q. When people think they have been served bad food why do they always ask the people they're with to taste it? (Contributed by Phil)
Dr F. If you are going to shit like a King you might as well kill the Royal taster.

Q. Where do the Chinese people go when they want to eat out? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jnr.)
Dr. F. I don’t know, but they enjoy the wok.

Q. If Buffaloes don't have wings why do so many restaurants have them on the menu? (Contributed by MailBits.com)
Dr F. Be glad they don’t offer Buffalo breasts.

Q. Sitting at your favourite table ready to order you realise the menu is not very good. Why don’t you then just press the spacebar to invoke the last good known menu? (Contributed by Kristofer Magnusson)
Dr F. Look under the table first and see if it’s a ‘drop down’ menu.

Q. In restaurants why do they put soap in the washrooms? Don't you still have to touch the same door knob that everyone that never washed their hands have used before? (Contributed by giroux)
Dr F . To avoid pinworm, salmonella or ecoli in restaurants ask someone else to get your penis out in the toilet and just eat with your elbows.

Q. Why is it that when you finally get the right amount of cream and sugar in your cup of coffee the waitress comes along and pours more coffee into your cup? (Contributed by Tim Trocciola)
Dr F. More coffee becomes a diuretic. She may want to help you to go to the toilet. (see above)

Q. Why is it that in most night-clubs the tables are reserved but the customers aren't? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
Dr F. The same is true if you want to go home in someone else’s jacket and have your handbag rifled.

Q. Can an orphan eat at a family restaurant? (Contributed by Tim Williams)
Dr F. Only ‘orphan ready’ chicken.

Q. When you order a chicken sandwich how do you know if you're getting a hen or a rooster? (Contributed by Brian C.)
Dr F. A chicken will taste much the same as a cock. Ask the waitresses to sample yours.

Q. Is a restaurant the only place where people are happy when they're fed up? (Contributed by Shenandoahvalley)
Dr F. As long as they have not had their fill of you just for starters.

Q. Everyone knows that when you are travelling, the best places to eat are where the truck drivers stop, right? So why do you never see trucks parked outside a fancy French Restaurant? (Contributed by Life_Is_A_Joke)
Dr F. Because the French can’t line dance or work C.B. radio.

Q. If Madonna (the singer) went to a fancy restaurant where they refer to their patrons by their last names, what exactly would they say to her? (Contributed by Ossie Michelin)
Dr F. “Get yer tits out then!”

Q. What do they do with the rest of the lobster when restaurants serve lobster tails? (Contributed by MailBits.com)
Dr F. Look closer at your partners scampi.”

Q. Why do the restrooms at some eating houses need signs saying 'Please lock door to insure privacy'? Do people ever not lock the door? (Contributed by aguytono)
Dr F. If the cubicle doesn’t have a roof, what’s the point?”

Q. How come the waiter who hovered over your table before you were ready to go is no where to be seen when you are finished and waiting for the bill? (Contributed by Terry Galan)
Dr F. If you are ready to pay, what’s the hurry?

Q. Why do restaurants call it ‘the check’ when it's really the bill? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. Why not ask for ‘the order receipt’ and watch the fun?

Q. Why do most restaurants only sell ‘Famous ribs’? Do ‘the not-so-famous ribs’ taste any different? And just whose ribs were they in the first place to make them so famous? (Contributed by Pat F.)
Dr F. It would be great to introduce the animal and its famous ribs to the diners before they had to part-company.

Q. Is the waiter who comes around to your table with the pepper grinder called the Peppier? (Contributed by John Foster)
Dr F. No. Dr pepper.

Q. Why is it that in restaurant bathrooms, the door usually pushes in to the bathroom and after you've washed your hands, you have to pull on the handle to get out? Wouldn't it be easier the other way around? (Contributed by Dosa)
Dr F. You could say that from either side of the door.

Q. How come in every restaurant, the Men's Washroom always comes first? (Contributed by Dusty)
Dr F. If you had to walk past the women’s room each time and meet ladies coming out in your path what are you supposed to say, “Did you have a good shit?”

Q. Why is it that the person who orders the most expensive dinner and the most drinks, never gets stuck with the check? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. These people are from the planet Scrotum and that tight they won’t spend Xmas. Get the taxi to drop you off first.

Q. When you receive something bad at a restaurant, why does everybody else insist on tasting it? If it is gross, then shouldn't people be backing away from it? (Contributed by Valerie)
Dr F. I agree. Just because you marry someone doesn’t mean you have to have sex with them.

Q. Just how do those restaurants manage to play music without commercials? (Contributed by Valerie)
Dr F. They have a Dictaphone to record the music from ‘Seventies’ porn movies.

Q. What do they call Japanese steakhouses in Japan? (Contributed by Electric Blue)
Dr F. Pretty rare.

Q. Is the 'Outback Steakhouse' really from Australia? (Contributed by Electric Blue)
Dr F. It is about as Australian as Rolf Harris.

Q. How come in restaurants we always tell our waiter or waitress that the service is 'fine', even if it is not? (Contributed by Valerie)
Dr F. The same reason we don’t tell the local vicar his service was crap.

Q. Do we tip, for services rendered, on the total BEFORE or the total AFTER the tax is added? And who makes up this rule? (Contributed by Janis G.)
Dr F. Some tips are asked for on the receipt. Bad tippers have body fluids put in their cream horns. It is best to tip heavily and just refuse to pay the bill. To the second part of the question. The poker players in the backroom, ‘own’ the restaurant.

Q. Can't anybody who has a job go in the 'Employees Only' doors at restaurants? (Contributed by T.M.)
Dr F. Not, if you don’t want ‘a quickie’ up against the lockers.

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All content on this site is subject to copyright © 2000/2006
If you wish to use anything either text or graphics please ask permission