|
DVDs COULD HOLD '100 TIMES MORE'
Future DVDs could hold 100 times more information than current discs. Imperial College London researchers in the UK are developing a new way of storing data that could lead to discs capable of holding 1,000 gigabytes (GB). It means that every episode of The Simpsons could fit on a disc the size of a normal DVD.
How about this quote from the APPLIED KNOWLEDGE RESEARCH INSTITUTE http://www.akri.org/cognition/memcape.htm “It is likely that there would not be a point reached where a human memory is 'full up' and no more can be stored. It is more likely that new memories would displace or interfere with old memories.”
The Mind Boggles
A brainy person who still forgets to wear a shirt.
This is an indication that the human brain’s capacity for storing information is practically limitless. Its memory potential can be likened to remembering the contents of every book ever written then stored on hard drive and even then, only a fraction of the brain is used. Put another way, if the entire viewer audience of Big Brother got their heads together there would be enough storage space left for a list of plumbers excuses.
“You are the weakest link…Goodbye”
This is an artist’s impression of brainy but mean, quiz host, Ann Robinson if she had let another year pass without plastic surgery.
Imagine this……….
If you had a DVD of the entire works of Shakespeare and then put that inside a pack of 10 other DVDs.
Then add along with that single box 100 boxes of 10 DVDs within the drawer of a filing cabinet.
Next… fill 10 drawers each containing 1000 DVD’s, stood next to 1000 identical filing cabinets.
Now place all these cabinets in a room with a whole floor of 1000 rooms, full of the same.
Further… put inside a 1000 storey building filling each level, with that same amount, in turn creating 1000, 1000 storey office blocks.
Have them all together on one of yet another 1000 industrial estates, replicated in every town and city.
Then multiply this anomaly in the world prompting 1000 planets to do exactly the same.
Add these adjacent to 1000 galaxies or parallel universes for every star that has died or will be born in the future within infinity, will just about give you some idea and representation of the infinite capacity of the brain.
Why do we need so much ‘headroom’?
I can’t remember my pin number, car registration or the last time I had sex. So, it beggars belief that my actual brain capacity is storing anything at all useful. We all keep our heads full of irrelevant trivia. So much sawdust. People with good memories have too much time on their minds. They might be able to memorise useless data, but, in my experience they fail to remember the jokes I tell them. So, who really is using their heads here?
With all that ‘room’, is it any wonder that such a cerebral expanse is called ‘The Devil’s Playground’? Think about those who feed their minds on pornography for example, downloading derogatory images of a women’s naked form. Sad creatures, with their legs at quarter to three, smothered in lather, or baby oil and shown, fiddling with themselves in an inappropriate way, for all the world to see. Then there are the ladies in the pictures.
This is a slice of my mother’s brain.
She was a devout Christian and as you can see had Jesus on her mind all the time.
People with dirty minds should be brainwashed.
Where have all personal details gone now that Summerset House in London is an ice skating rink? This once bustling edifice held the vital information of our populations’ births, deaths and marriages since records literally began. Welsh people could find out who their father really was, and even less fortunate individuals could check if they were mentioned in the local obituary column.
As I skated around the ice rink with the skill of a windmill, collecting limbs of small children in my wake I looked up and stared at the blank empty windows of this historic, onetime nerve centre of census keeping. I imagined the thriving 9-5 with message boys running from floor to floor, stuffing huge mounds of Manila envelopes, to the ‘click clacking’ pencil skirted secretaries who twitched along vitrified and glossy corridors jiggling in their see through blouses.
At that point I had somehow found myself skating along the embankment. My daydreaming had left me in intensive care and nursing massive head injuries. I will never be able to skate again as I didn’t know how to in the first place. It’s a good thing I had oodles of ‘spare brain space’ after the scans revealed there was plenty of room available and my brain damage was practically unnoticeable to people that already knew me, before, I was allowed out into the community.
The ‘old grey cells’ is truly the most mysterious organ in our bodies and if we lived to be as old as Methuselah we would never get to use its full potential.
Unless we are afflicted with Alzheimer’s of course, then what ever you had learnt in your lifetime would have been a complete waste of time. My advice would be to research if your family or ancestors have ever suffered from dementia, as the odds are, you will probably get it too. In which case, don’t bother going to school or getting further education. How many eighty year olds can remember their times tables anyway? Let alone remembering when they fed their budgie last. Granted, there are sprightly oldsters that put the younger generation to shame, academically speaking, but then why do they still refuse to go online?
 |
Methusalah?
Methuselah, as a comparitively young man, at six hundred and eighty nine years and three months. Here he is, on holiday in Bali, as Saga refused to keep taking him to Blackpool and renew his membership for the eleventh time.
We mentioned Methuselah. He lived to over 900 years. At what point did he start to begin to lose his faculties or become incontinent? Say, quite plausibly, around the 800 years of age mark, perhaps?
Imagine his great great great great great great grandchildren, saying,
“Mum, Gramps, stinks of pooh again. Surely, it’s not my turn to clean it off the sofa again. God, can I just take a year off for once? They haven’t invented ‘Wet wipes’ yet, the old bastard won’t die and give us all a break.”
That means his poor wife and kids had to put up with galloping diarrhea for a century or longer. Who needs it? No, ‘Diacalm’ or nappies in those days. No doubt again, he ate well, as during old age everything physically goes wrong, apart from wanting huge amounts of food. They are all up at six every morning at the local retirement home down our street. It’s never too early for a hearty breakfast there. How many young people like branflakes and a banana that early? My Mother never went anywhere without her bourbons and she was anorexic. Senility, seems to give you a great appetite even when spoonfed.
When did Methuselah lose his hearing? Once again, no deaf aids in Judea at that time. His wife must have been sick of shouting at him, decade after decade.
“I SAY, CLOTHEARS…..WHAT THE FECK DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS TIME? ANOTHER BLEEDING JIGSAW I SUPPOSE!”
What did he do for all those years to fill his time? It probably never occurred to him to become an entrepreneur. Think how many scams you or I could think up in nearly a Millennium. I reckon he lived so long because he did sod all. Letting everybody else take the stress. Or, perhaps he just chose to conveniently be absent when the washing up needed to be done. He probably stood at the foot of the stairs and listened carefully until all the ‘clinking’ of dishes stopped, and then burst in pretending to be out of breath, blurting out,
“Oh, have you done that already? I was going to give you a hand.”
Or, when he was asked to do the ‘hoovering’, its my guess, he wouldn’t even bother to plug it in, and just moved the hoover across the floor, to make little tracks to convince people he had vacuumed.
I bet he never took any broken biscuits with his tea. You can be sure, he always took whole ones all the time.
What does the bible say he was good at? ‘Zero, zero buggerall, blank,’ that’s what. But…looking at his family tree it seems sex was on the top of his list. He was a father at 700 years old? Did he use Viagra? Not in those sandals. More like a splint, I’ll wager. It’s only my conjecture, but he most likely used the Biblical equivalent of a lollypop stick and sellotape. They must have had some sort of ‘sticky tape’ in ancient holy times for God’s sake. It was probably a strip of embalming swaddling with honey or myrrh painted on one side. Or even doubled sided if soaked overnight in a tin? Ducktape was a turban dipped in pitch or molasses. Figs and dates were fairly sticky and used as ‘Prittstix’. ‘Tippex’ was the same stuff they painted houses with. Scribes used half licked ‘Twiglets’ to write with.
The average Hebrew then was very stubborn though. Scripture verifies this, by calling this ‘chosen nation’ ‘hardnecked’ and to be frank, Moses had a bit of a struggle with them all on several occasions. For example, it is well known he had a migraine once and just buggered off up the hill to get a couple of tablets only to return and see 3 million of them having an orgy and worshipping graven images. Imagine what they got up to when he was asleep. I bet there was ‘bonking in the bibwacks’ after lights out. The whole inspired books of Exodus and Leviticus were about how to ‘stop the shagging’ with a list of over 3000 Do’s & Don’ts, but poor old Moses and his twelve head tribesman couldn’t curtail the canoodling 24-7.
Could you stop your children having sex on a 40 year long camping trip? I doubt it. My wife and I wouldn’t hear of any kind of penetration and our kids are living proof of this. A brisk handshake goodnight is good enough for us as parents and so it should be for our offspring. It’s been a bolster to our marriage and we still use it in our bedroom to stop impurities seeping into our heads. My Mother never liked it and my Father fought against it as my sister does with me. Without sex my wife and I are inseparable. Discretion means nothing ever slips out because it wasn’t ever in.
As soon as his back was turned they were ‘at it.’ If Moses had any sense he would have gone down the ale house and put it down to experience. His randy ramblers didn’t want the Promised Land. They were already ‘on a promise’, anyway. He just couldn’t get the staff you know.
Brain joke.
What’s the last thing that goes through a mosquitos brain the moment it hits your windshield? It’s arse.
|
