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 Deep Vein Thrombosis in a 13 year old? What does he get when he leaves school, an electric scooter?
This scary headline comes as no surprise. We live in a sedentary world for kids. Odd? Why don't fishermen get DVT? Yet, I heard from a nurse friend that in children piles is quite common too!! Imagine your child having to sit on Grandmas giant foam polo mint through their SATS? Will teenagers soon qualify for Saga and have Sir Cliff as a pinup? Will they do the Conga on the way to school?
Why don't lorry drivers get DVT? They all smoke and eat down the "Greasy Spoon." Copious hours on the M25. Is it just sheer will power? The same will power that makes you sit behind a gutless hunk of junk that fails to overtake another gutless hunk of junk and helps you lose the will to live.
Now why is this happening? I blame "The Lord of the Rings". What! I hear you say, don't you like popular films? Three hours of movie that's what! I went to see the first one with my child and when it finished I was like The Tinman from "The Wizard of Oz", when he was first discovered by Dorothy. I was stiffer than Christine Hamilton's vibrator that she calls "Mad Max". I found trying to get up out of the seat felt like my clothes were made of Velcro. A grunt of unison went up with the lights and credits, as unforgiving stiff knees and creaking backs disallowed most of us oldsters any free movement whatsoever.
Although it was a 'moving' film it was not natural for kids to be 'stationary' for so long. Kids move more in their sleep these days. When attending marathon movies in future, take my tip. If your child has attention deficit syndrome for the next fantasy blockbuster take the child's homework and a clip-on book-light during the boring bits. Or, make them sit there and hold both your pints of lager. Only promise to take one off them and drink it, if they stop fidgeting.
Post office queues are another reason we have hardening of the arteries. The people on pension day were not even eligible before they joined the queue.
We sit endlessly in Planes, Trains and Automobiles most of our waking lives. We sit in Doctors surgeries and dentist waiting rooms. We have treadmills when running on the spot was once thought just as good for you.
I confess that I have been accused of 'race hatred' at school just because I loathed cross-country.
We have gyms and fitness clubs. But have you noticed that they always build one near a pub? We should be more healthy, with all the sports enthusiasts and 'celebs' that swamp the media. But what happens? All the best sport happens to be 'watched' more than 'participated' in. Why is it, for instance, that it's no coincidence that the match always happens to start when you find a six pack and a pizza the size of Wisconsin in your lap?
We used to go 'conkering' as kids. I remember last Autumn (I never no when it falls these days) and I was horrified to see so many conkers left to rot on the ground. I used to fill my Mum's bike-basket to the brim and I'd soak the biggest in vinegar and then bake it in the oven to give my 109-er a bit of an edge. I cheated once and took a ball off my sister's abacus and painted it into a horsechestnut with Humbrol poop colour. Boy, did I get some playground cred? Yes Sir. Except when it flew off my string and broke an assembly hall window. I got busted too. The teacher had my fraud exposed. I was 'swung for' (instead of the conker) minutes later.
I scoured my little girl's playground discreetly and not one pair of boys were playing for the championship. Not a threaded conker in sight. Plenty of gameboys and bags of sweets though.
I mean if a ball pond were filled with maple syrup would you let your child play in it?
That's another reason we have this huge problem with clogged arteries in kids. The amount of sticky processed food that is everywhere you look, jammed, with salt and sugar. Fizzy drinks (especially the brown one) are so solid with sugar and chemicals you could mend a cricket bat with the stuff. If you don't think brown sticky drinks are harmful, just pour some over your laptop and try and clean it off. If it does that to your computer, what is it doing to the arteries? Look at what Pepsi did to Michael Jackson's hair? All he did was make a commercial about it. I hope his ears were burning too, about the danger of soft drinks, I mean.
They are only soft drinks if you don't get hit over the head with one.
Look at the confectionery industry. I remember when I was just a 'jameater', the town market was buzzing with stall holders selling real food. Not hydrogenated, poly unsaturated, genetically modified, re-constituted, (the opposite of what it reads, "Re-constituted" should mean 'to bring back to its original condition', instead they should call it 're-hashed', a chicken nugget can now be 're-hashed' to look like a large board game piece) gluten-free, emulsified, preservative-d, flavoured, coloured 'this and that' extracts.
Extracts? What happens to the rest of the yeast, spice or herb then?
After they have put all that in the can what if they forget to put the food in?
Then everything has to have traces of nuts! You've guessed! The manufacturers .. one and the same.
Dextrose, lecithin, starch, phosphates, glazing agents, gum Arabic, Sodium, Iodine, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Potassium iodide, Iron sulphate, Maltodextrin, Citric acid …….. all found in a can of Alphabetti Spaghetti. Do I have to spell it out to you?
We wonder why we get furred up veins in children? The food we give our offspring contains more 'E's' than Charlotte Church.
It's a fact that our food is so toxic that debilitating diseases usually associated with old people now, effect our kids. When are we going to stop putting poison in food just so it gets more 'shelf life'? Why is it just fruit and veg that don't have a 'best before date. Not content with this, they now have a display date to make sure we can't sue them. So, what we have is children's pack-ups for school looking more like fairground novelties. 'Cheese Dippers', 'Mini-pizzas', "Squishers" with bacon bits and semi-synthetic PVA" etc, all advertised as 'cool' for children. The children buy the idea and Mum buys the product just to shut them up. Such 'Dunk in the Junk' snacks should be banned because they are so full of starch and sugar you can hang wallpaper with them.
Off course 'an apple a day' or regular ham sandwich is called 'plain boring'. Not as boring though as having your legs amputated, or being diagnosed with thrombosis before you leave school.
If our skin was 'shrink-wrap' and we could see what was going on, what sugar addiction does to our circulation and if we hurt ourselves no one would notice if we were bleeding.
Food values are replacing the actual food on our plate and becoming almost unrecognisable. Let me illustrate. Some cereals with gimmicks and give-a-ways are so full of salt that if you took what salt there is in the packet, out, and fed your children with it they would die. Proving to us that salt doesn't 'cure' anything. Two tablespoons of salt is enough to kill a child. So don't put too much on your own chips.
If you took all contents out of a drum of refined salt it would fill only one empty packet of digestive biscuits. You wouldn't drink a pint of sea water because it would make you very ill, or even kill you, because the action of salt dehydrates the body and brain and you literally die in a way that is, well, the complete opposite of drowning. If you ingested the salt that you ate in all the cook-in-sauces you used last week in one go and did not drink water for two weeks beforehand your toes would definitely curl up and you would not be able to open your eyes, because, of either the lack of moisture or being dead.
Computer software. Cable TV has replaced regular self-entertainment. Children are 'seizing up' because they would rather watch a DVD or get on the play-station than, say, play 'leap frog', 'jump the poison river' or 'Postman's knock'. A game of Blind man's buff helped me discover the opposite sex as much as concealing an erection during "Squeak Piggy Squeak".
Nowadays, kids have to wait until they are at least nine to get any exercise. But, it has to be the right kind of exercise. Like, trying to balance books on their head with an egg or a spoon (might be easier trying to do it with your hands). The wrong sort of exercise might be beating up old people or ram-raiding a shop that sells Hi-Fi equipment.
It's all about de-tox, or, to rid your body of pollutants. Drinking lots of water while playing the piano will help you have a little tinkle whenever you sit. Fasting is good. Why not miss a week collecting your benefit to make the decision easy to 'fast' for you. Meditation is good. You can do this anywhere except of course between railway barriers or when skydiving.
Garlic is very good for giving up smoking. Rub it all over your cigarettes. If that doesn't work always light the tipped end and you will virtually find it impossible to smoke.
Did you know that toxic food is not the only danger?
It's not just what we put in our bodies but what we put on them. For instance Sodium Laureth Sulphate and Glycol Propenol is used not for just washing your body and hair with shampoos and soaps, body gels, creams and cleansing fluids. It's apparently used in carwashes and the manufacture of car engines. For de-greasing engines! So, think about it. How often do you need to degrease your car engine? Go figure!
Loreal's NEW 'fast' drying shampoo for kids is the latest ludicrous marketing ploy. I mean, did anybody actually 'time it' before to compare?
"Mum, how long did my hair take to dry this time?"
"Oh, probably errr as long as, Eastenders."
Who f**king cares? Hardly an excuse to be late for work or school. You wouldn't wash Jordan's T-shirt in it would you?
Maybe the fact it was rubbed by a towel afterwards might give an indication as to how quick hair dries as opposed to some magic formula I have yet to have explained to me. Anyway, how pray tell, does it improve the quality of their lives and yours, or sell more shampoo?
Getting into a lather
"No Tears" shampoo? Not if your kids hate having a bath anyway, or you make them get into the tub during The Simpsons. "No Tears" shampoo is still basically, detergent, and the fact it says, "No Tears" means invariably kids will rub it undiluted into their eyes the same way they have to touch wet paint.
What's next?
Kids "No clutter" shampoo. "Hair-wash guaranteed to tidy your kids room with just one rinse."
Kids "No lip" shampoo. "Will stop your child 'cheeking' you after washing."
Kids "No nicking" shampoo. "Will stop your child going into your handbag thus leave you lots of cash and actually saving you money by buying this product."
What do these products claim to do. "Wash 'n' Go" What if you fancy a night in? How about "Rub, Rinse and Shoot" instead, shampoo for proper w**kers?
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