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Imagine the scene.
A little cantina in a border town in Mexico. Everybody is having a wild time. Cowboys rocking back on chairs, drunk and cheering, shooting the ceiling (yee-hah stuff!) and swigging sipping whisky (a bit of a contradiction, I know!) and Ladies of the evening wearing little more than a smile and a feather boa flirting with cowpokes at the bar. A whistling barman watches a cardschool through a cloud of tobacco smoke as he polishes his glasses. (not to see through the smoke with!! To drink with! Sorry!) A cigar chewing piano player tinkles away as he runs his fingers up and down it ............. (No comments from you!)
Suddenly!
Through the saloon swing doors comes a little amigo covered in travel dust and says in a panic.
"Por favor,....Signors and Signorinas!! BEEG DAN'S A' COMIN ! Holding his hat he runs into the street followed by the contents of the saloon, who all bottleneck at the door in blind hysteria. Tables are left overturned and chairs kicked away in their efforts to escape as they scream "Outta my way, ain't ya heard??? BIG DAN'S A' COMIN !!
A lone barman is left polishing his glasses nervously. His eyes like saucers as he walks to the window full of apprehension. Hands trembling, he twitches the red lace curtain back and to his horror he drops the glass and it smashes to the floor. Terror stricken he cannot believe his eyes............ for there on the horizon is his worst nightmare.
Is it a twister? Nope, it's a black cloud reaching to the heavens though. A sound of thundering hooves and a man astride a black horse that defies any description. A Goliath of such size the barman has an accident in his trousers.
We are not talking about a small person here.
A Colossus with shoulders like a double wardrobe.
He is smoking a cactus and had a rattlesnake for a whip.
His ankles are this big around
(make a large circle with your hands for dramatic effect!)
This guy was not vertically challenged.
You could land an aircraft on his chin and sit a pint of beer in his navel.
His jockstrap was a rooftiler's nailbag.
He had Vinny Jones on a stick in his hat. His hat, by the way was a tank turret.
You could surf on his tongue.
This monster was hard enough to roller skate on.
He pounded up to bar eclipsing the sun, roping up his hoss with barbed wire and just walked straight through the side of the building. He ate a chair and started snacking on bullets from a chest full of ammunition belts.
The barman quivered and said.
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYou wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwant a
dddddddddddddrink, sssssssssssssssstranger?
The man mountain growled in a voice so deep the walls shook.
"WHISKY."
The frightened barman slid a bottle of Jack Daniels down the length of the bar and the immense gent snatched it to his mouth and bit off the neck of the bottle and downed it in one gulp.
The barman almost delirious with fear ventured a request.
"D..d..do you w...want a..a..nother ...stranger?"
The mammoth of a man bellowed back in voice lower than a grave.
"NOPE, CAN'T STAY ......... BIG DAN'S A' COMIN !!!!!!"
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