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Above and beyond the call of duty with 'Scare in the community'
Talking about work I have just been to S.K.I.P. to learn all about control and restraint of challenging behaviour of service users. I'd like to try a few moves out on Beth actually! I spent all day grappling on the floor with young nurses trying to avoid having my nuts grabbed or being shown 'pin down' by two buxom females astride each end of my body! It was hell. I'm going again tomorrow!
This training is ludicrous. I don't want to go to work throwing me weight about getting people with Down syndrome in boston crabs or adopting the 'armoured' position every time somebody throws a wobbly. The most challenging behaviour from clients I ever experience would not warrant two-person escort, or breakaway techniques. The most aggressive scenarios can be listed thus...
When somebody answers back
When somebody sneezes at the tea table and leaves an alternative to mayonaisse as far as the eye can see.
When somebody leaves an unsinkable Polaris or a 'brown papoose' as I call them not necessarily always in the confines of a W.C.
When somebody puts Jif (or Cif now) in their sandwiches because as I said before, there simply is no mayonnaise.
When somebody wants to try my jacket on for a cheap thrill.
When somebody makes me a cup of coffee and leaves what looks like mayonnaise floating on the top.
When somebody uses E45 to clean the windows or polish furniture.
When somebody nicks the wrong medication.
When somebody walks naked into the staff meeting. (I must stop doing that)
When somebody makes a variety of high volume orchestral noises from their hind quarters throughout Eastenders and Mr Titchmarsh. The staff again I mean.
When somebody asks out loud in the hairdressers 'can you change my pad now?' Or even louder as happened to me in Pizza Express recently when a female client asked 'would you like to come over here and smell my 'Charlie'!'
I did have that same lady suggest that she would like to stick a broom up my rear end when I told her to try and get some of the food actually in her mouth next time rather than leaving a pool of sticky substances and petit pois all over the kitchen floor. Another rubbed marmite in my hair once. (I think it was marmite, I wasn't gonna taste it to find out.) The worst time was when I took a lady for a 'private examination' to the surgery and as I sat outside in the waiting room amid raised eyebrows the air was filled with a 'When Harry met Sally' type orgasmic series of moans and gasps. I had never seen an Asian G.P blush before!
Signed ... carer
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